The Cardinals made it to the Super Bowl. A commercial airliner made a better [crash] landing on the Hudson River than they do under normal conditions on land. The largest underwater press conference of all time occurred with 61 journalists. Wait… What?

2009 has just begun and it’s already off to a crazy start with a failing economy, Michael Vick still in jail, and an executive branch for our government that 10 years ago nobody would have fathomed. With craziness all around me, I was feeling a little ballsy last night and I puffed out my bird chest and marched right into Walmart and grabbed a 24 ounce can of Chelada. What is Chelada you ask? It’s Bud Light mixed with Clamato, which is tomato juice and reconstituted clam broth. Wait…What? Continue Reading »

It is official, Anheuser-Busch and InBev and are merging into, wait for it, Anheuser-Busch InBev, making them the largest brewing company in the world, and one of the top five largest consumer products companies in the world. I suspect it is Anheuser-Busch’s control of the “Chelada” brand that tipped the scales of this merger into a capitalistic orgasm. Now the new super company will control over 100 brands including Budweiser, Michelob, Bass, Beck’s, Grolsch, Hoegaarden, Stella Artois, Rolling Rock, Busch, Bacardi Ice, and my personal favorite, Hurricane Ice Malt Liquor. Continue Reading »

Number 5 – ASPARTAME

Okay, so aspartame isn’t really gross tasting or smelling. In fact, it’s pretty sweet… Until you have BRAIN TUMORS growing out of your eyes from its ill effects. Aspartame has long been a favorite substitute for more natural sweeteners like, well… sugar since its discovery by James M. Schlattler in 1965. Originally an anti-ulcer drug candidate, Aspartame’s sweet taste was actually an accident. Nowadays, consumers ingest a lot of the drug on a daily basis. Huge culprits are Sugar-Free Red Bull and Diet Coke. Continue Reading »