While watching the LA Lakers shellack the plucky Phoenix Suns in the NBA Western Conference finals the other night, I heard an interesting tidbit escape the lips of Marv Albert, one of America’s greatest commentators.
Albert said that Lakers coach Phil Jackson had recently barred his star forward Lamar Odom from drinking coffee before the game. This is madness! This is JACKSOOOOON! The monotone commander in chief thought Odom was expending all his energy before the game and that he came out flat at tip off as a result of his java jolt.
I am personally outraged. Coffee is allowed in workplaces around the country. Most places provide it to their drones for free. If this aggression against the lovely bean stands, the Lakers locker room will be a drab, dreary place to work. Phil, think of the workers.
Jackson may have a point though. This coffee ban has been in effect for one game, and in that game, Odom doubled his offensive output when compared to his performances in the Conference Semis.
Still, I can’t shake the thought of a 6’10” big man holding a demitasse of espresso. It’s better than Chris Farley in an undersized coat.