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Most Epic Alcohol Warehouse Crash EVER…Nobody Quite Sure What Happened

Beverage News
11.04.2009

Here’s what we know: This is arguably the most epic fine beverage failure I’ve ever seen, and it took place in Moscow. That’s about it. The epicness of this crash is overwhelming to even the most credible of news organizations, who can’t seem to get their stories right about what actually happened. Damage estimates range from approx. $98,000 to $200,000, The New York Times suggests a conspiracy theory, while the Huffington Post is convinced the forklift driver was drunk, though no other news organization seems to agree with them.

Bottom line, I can tell you that I once crashed the Mutineer Passat into a palate of Red Bull in the Mutineer high-tech storage facility garage and experienced the most intense terror of my human existence. Fine beverages are like piranhas, bank overdraft charges, or nihilists…encountered one at a time they are harmless, but in great numbers they can quickly wreck your world. Take heed people…take heed.

RussiaToday
Value of Fine Beverage Casualties: Over $100,000 USD
Fine Beverage Casualties: Vodka and Cognac
Drunk Driving: No mention
Conspiracy Theory: None

New York Times
Value of Fine Beverage Casualties: $150,000 USD
Fine Beverage Casualties: Vodka
Drunk Driving: No mention
Conspiracy Theory: Suggests that the driver may be an “undercover, anti-vodka agent saboteur” who answers the question “How about planting a series of intelligence operatives in vodka warehouses across the nation with the driving skills of the man featured in this report from the Kremlin-sponsored, English-language satellite channel Russia Today?”

Huffington Post
Value of Fine Beverage Casualties: $150,000 USD
Fine Beverage Casualties: Vodka and Cognac
Drunk Driving:A fork lift driver in Moscow was sampling too much of his own product when he drunkenly plowed his vehicle into the stock shelves of vodka and cognac in the storeroom where he worked.
Conspiracy Theory: None

Telegraph UK
Value of Fine Beverage Casualties: 60,000 GBP ($98,500 USD)
Fine Beverage Casualties: Vodka and Cognac
Drunk Driving: No mention
Conspiracy Theory: None

The Sun UK
Value of Fine Beverage Casualties: 105,000 GBP ($172,000 USD)
Fine Beverage Casualties: Vodka and Cognac
Drunk Driving:It is not known if the driver had been sampling some of the wares before the accident happened.
Conspiracy Theory: None

College Humor
Value of Fine Beverage Casualties: $200,000 USD
Fine Beverage Casualties: Beer
Drunk Driving: No mention
Conspiracy Theory: None

Now, you may question the inclusion of CollegeHumor as a credible source in this comparison, but which is the more bold assertion: CollegeHumor’s overestimate of damage and type of alcohol, or Huffington Post’s lone assertion that the driver was drunk?



Comments

  1. SD Lounger | Wednesday, November 4, 2009

    I can only shake my head. I hope there insurance is up to date.


  2. Brian K | Wednesday, November 4, 2009

    Hopefully that wasn’t beer .. !


  3. Alan Kropf | Wednesday, November 4, 2009

    Vodka and Cognac seem to be the popular consensus.


  4. chris osburn | Thursday, November 5, 2009

    That is the craziest thing I’ve ever seen. That poor poor Vodka.


  5. Fine Beverage Disaster: “Oh my gosh! Look at all the beer!” | Mutineer Magazine | Thursday, November 5, 2009

    […] a follow up to yesterday’s fine beverage warehouse spectacular, I present to you some intense footage of Bud Light that has been spilled over an overpass and is […]


  6. Jeff Dorenbush | Friday, November 6, 2009

    Right when you think things are going to calm down after the massive storage rack failure..the entire other side of the warehouse starts coming down.

    Smelling a shot of vodka can be pretty bold… I can’t imagine what the smell was like in there.


  7. Another Fine Beverage Disaster: Canadian Club Tanker Truck Flips | Mutineer Magazine | Wednesday, November 18, 2009

    […] epic beer-truck-on-an-overpass-crash only to find false hope of safety tucked away in an obscure Moscow warehouse only to survive and end up in a puddle on a Kentucky highway. I’m 100% positive this would work, […]


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