What People Drink: Politicians

Here, former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has sucked her eyes closed going after this double daquiri. I’m not sure what her friend is drinking, but it is the most orangest of orange looking drinks I’ve ever seen. I want some. Now.

Former US President Bill Clinton enjoying a Pisco Sour with Peru President Alan Garcia, cause seriously, does Bill Clinton drink cosmopolitans? Hells no. He drinks the good stuff in the name of world peace and progress, while his wife drinks lite beers in bowling alleys with labor unions, which she doesn’t do very well.

Here, she is clanking beer mugs, but the guy closest to us is trying to join in with an espresso or something — that guy needs to leave. The guy sitting next to her/behind her isn’t even paying attention. He’s watching an Obama speech on C-Span, drinking what appears to be straight vodka, wanting everyone to shut up so he can hear the television.

Obama drinks beer at basketball games. Obama drinks beer other places too. Obama does shots. Damn, Obama likes himself some fine beverages. Me and Obama (which is also the title of my upcoming buddy buddy movie) are going to drink this country out of a recession. Have you seen the numbers? Growth baby, GROWTH!

Kim Jong-il drinks crazy juice, which appears to be a sparkling wine or wine cooler of some sort. At two feet tall, Jong-il’s hatred of Western culture stems from when he read an article in Maxim about how many drinks it takes to get drunk. With the article aimed at men over four feet tall, Jong-il was sh*t-faced after one glass and then stripped naked and went hunting for ligers with a baseball bat.

Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk and Ukraine Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko drink Champange, and is it just me, or are they gazing into each other’s eyes like they are ready to get crazy? I’m envisioning Star Wars role-playing with him as Lando and her as Chewie, or Leia, but probably Chewie.

When Nixon’s buddies came to the White House, things got crazy. Drinks were spilled, offices were robbed, windows were urinated out of, and the white house kitchen was prank called. Nixon would eventually leave office due to the fine beverage scandal watergate.

Why is Bear Grylls included with the politicians? Cause he’s KING of the wilderness, and a definite political figure to stoned-out students at college campuses across America. Grylls is seen here drinking the blood of a turtle, which is actually something Hilary Clinton was known for doing as part of her daily morning ritual during her presidential run.

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