I came across a story today about beer potentially being approved for sale at Six Flags in Texas. According to Dallas News, “…Six Flags is only selling beer at six restaurants. You can’t walk around the park with it. You can’t buy more than one beer at a time. The park won’t start selling suds before noon and will shut down beer sales two hours before closing.”
Sounds great, right? Wrong! Carl Fors, founder and president of Texas Sober, is pissed (angry, not drunk. I think? See study below.) and he apparently has the mayor’s support on the matter.
One must note that we are talking about Texas here, with nearly 50 “dry” counties, which exists to the shoot the environment in the face because everyone that lives in the dry counties must waste gas driving to other counties to buy beer…stupid.
I checked out the Texas Sober website to learn more. The graphics blow well over a .2 on the “do-your-graphics-suck-elizer”, and I can tell you that brilliant Mutineer webmaster Jeff rarely works his magic without an ice-cold can of beer, which is chock full of deadly alcohol, in his hand.
The graphics on the website don’t even really make sense. You have the obligatory smashed up car to scare people straight, a menacing production still from “Walker: Texas Ranger” to, um, scare people straight, and then you have some dude (or very muscular Texan woman) getting blood drawn??? To scare people straight? I dunno.
That’s pretty much the website: three graphics, a rambling paragraph about Texas Sober, and a link “The Alcohol Impact Study Proposal” which says that, “Texas leads the nation in alcohol related traffic deaths and injuries in states reporting more than 1,000 traffic deaths.” My question is whether or not this figure was established before or after George W. was born-again, because this will likely have a big impact on the number.
Upon reading the rest of the study, it is clear that the preparer has an affinity for exclamation points and post-apocalyptic Costner films, as these are both tools in his arsenal.
Things get really crazy in the study with following:
Texas laws demand school children be vaccinated protecting them and other students from deadly or debilitating disease. Government’s have authority to quarantine individuals with communicable disease. Governments legislate laws restricting the use, distribution, and sale of fire arms. Governments warn citizens of approaching deadly weather. Governments mandate the safety of drinking water. Judicial systems remove dangerous offenders from the population, protecting it from violent crime. These governmental actions are preventative: proactive and not reactive. These actions are taken when a known risk exists. Alcohol is a proven, known risk to public safety!
Governments conduct Environmental Impact Studies to determine positive or negative effects on the environment, health, and safety of its citizens. Such studies are conducted before construction of new highways, granting building permits for retail establishments, placement of new recreation areas, hazardous materials corridors, etc. Such studies have stopped construction when animal life on the Endangered Species List was threatened. Humans, citizens, must be added to the Endangered Species List when confronted with the proven threats of the hazardous material… alcohol?
Okay, so did this guy just include human extinction in his “study” on the impact of alcohol? He wants to add humans to the “Endangered Species List”? Really? REALLY!?!?!