Japan vs. USA

Using Stephen Colbert’s proven process of “gut feeling journalism”, I have uncovered that Japan is developing weapons technology against which the United States will have no defense. The fact that Japan has perfected the Coke robot effectively makes them the world’s leading superpower.

Exhibit A: The Coke Assassin Robot

This Coke Zero Assassin Robot is specially designed for night missions.

This thing will show up at malls and festivals innocently enough…

But once we get comfortable with it…

Yes, this Coke terminator is the real deal, be very afraid…

Exhibit B: Coke Ninja Soldier Camouflage

One of these Coke machines looks a little off…

This Coke camouflage was supposedly designed by Aya Tsukioka for terrified citizens to put on in the case that they need to hide from criminals in shadier areas. My theory is that once the robots destroy all of America’s war machines, ninja soldiers will show up camouflaged as everyday Coke machines. Game over.

Believe it or not, there is a politician who sees this coming and is trying to do something about it. Time will tell how it all turns out, but it doesn’t look good…

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