Humans Taste Like Bacon, End of World Near
Remember “Box the Somm” from the Mutineer Blog a couple month’s ago? Well, he’s back with some alarming news: Humans taste like BACON!
The Associated Press reports: “When a reporter’s hand was placed against the robot’s taste sensor, it was identified as prosciutto. A cameraman was mistaken for bacon.”
Dammit! This is bad, did you know that during the gold rush, food was so scarce that salt would be traded for gold? And what is salt a substitute for? BACON! When the financial markets collapse (and yes, they don’t call him Nostradamus for nothing), the most valuable forms of currency will be:
1) Bacon
2) Bullets
3) AA Batteries
4) Vodka
5) Cigarettes
I know what you’re thinking, “We all know bacon is the greatest expression of life on earth, but why should we fear it?”
Because! The world will end one of two ways: Either robots with artificial intelligence will be developed that develop a thirst for bacon, eliminating the human race as we know it, or humans will learn of the “bacon truth” and just eat each other. People don’t do it now because they don’t have to and they don’t realize that it will taste like delicious bacon. (Either way the massacre will last just long enough for Kevin Costner to release a post-apocalyptic movie about the Bacon Wars)
Do you think that stimulus package is going to be used on mortgages to help financial markets recover? Hell no! Wall Street knows everything is screwed and is going to use that money to live it up until the world implodes:
“Shortly after its bailout, it was revealed AIG’s top sales people were treated to $23,000 of spa treatments and $7,000 of golf outings at a $440,000 getaway in the swanky California retreat of St Regis Resort, Monarch Beach.” Click here for full story.
You can kiss that bail out money goodbye. The world will be like Waterworld meets The Postman with a side of Road Warrior. The financial markets will not recover. The Bacon Wars are imminent…
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If someone were to eat me, then I guess that I would taste like bacon that had been marinated in hemp- beer! Viva la mutiny!