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Worst ****ing Lie of all Marketing

Other Beverage
07.17.2008

TruBlood

It’s bad enough that when I walk into a 7-11 at midday looking for a pick-me-up that I have to sift through rows and rows of random energy drinks hoping to find one that doesn’t taste like an old, dead possum foot. The companies that create those little fizz bombs are natural born liars. They dress up their products with awesome, eye-catching colors and cool catch phrases like, “This Energy Drink Will Jack Up Your Face to the Extreme!”

It’s bad enough that they lie on their product about the extremity of the drink’s ability to jack up my face. It’s bad enough that they say it will totes taste good even when they KNOW that it’s going to sit in my stomach like a sack of ball bearings. It’s bad enough that I’m actually willing to buy these products even when I know I should probably just stick to a delicious margarita.

So, perhaps you can relate to my utterly hopeless confusion and amazement at the newest energy drink craze. TruBlood is a blood and plasma based beverage marketed towards vampires. That’s good enough for me! Sign me up, because I want that blood stuff right now.

Oh wait, it doesn’t exist, because it’s just a stupid marketing scheme for some crappy HBO show about vampires “coming out” and wanting to have equal rights and be accepted for who they are. So aside from completely falling for this bastard liar of an advertising ploy, I’m also hella hungry and I have no energy drink at all now.

I even went to their stupid web site… HBO fails at delivering on their fake-suedo-real-fake products. They should have done this:

Brawndo

Go pick up a Brawndo, from the classic comedy “Idiocracy.” It’s got, electrolytes, what plants crave!



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