The Five Sexiest Wines

Here are 5 of the sexiest wines according to the Wine Mutineer…

5. Rose Champagne

This is a wine for all of the senses. For the ears it is a startling pop. For the eyes it is a stunning hue of pink, like a rare stone. For the nose, it is myriad of aromas ranging from simple to complex, fruity to earthy, everyday to life changing. For the palate, it is tongue tickling bubbles and bright flavors. This is a wine of young love. It is a wine to have before dinner. It is a wine of embarking, of beginning an adventure together, and if nothing else, it is a great conversation starter on those awkward first dates.

4. Off Region Italian

It is classic romance, the bottle of Italian wine from that obscure region, the country shaped like a boot. With dreams of visiting Italy, or memories of the real thing, it is an escape and a nod to the beautiful lands on the other side of the world. These wines are often very affordable, making them the choice of young lovers scraping together for a decent meal. These wines are often young, clumsy, and rough around the edge, providing the perfect soundtrack for love to incubate.

3. Young Cult Cabernet

This wine is like a ridiculously expensive escort. Everyone in the room sees that thousand-dollar bottle of Harlan sitting on your table. The wine is like you in your career, way too young and nowhere near your peak, but you don’t care, because you can relate (and afford it). This is also a masculine wine of power, of domination, a wine of a tongue in cheek arrogance, of the aristocracy. This is a playboy’s wine, and if it doesn’t already, it will soon rule the world.

2. Aged Grand Cru Red Burgundy

The best examples of these wines can be a life changing, orgasmic experience. These are the purest example of elegance and confidence coexisting with one another harmoniously, with layer after layer of mysterious complexity. These wines communicate with you on a visceral level, in ways thought can’t comprehend. You just freeze, stunned in a trance that will pose more questions than it will answer. It is fleeting love, and the first time is always the most amazing.

1. Cristal Champagne

This is the ultimate table accessory. This is like Chanel No. 5 you can drink. You drive the Ferrari, you have the Omega watch, and you most certainly have a beautiful woman with you. And if you don’t have any of these, everyone will assume you do, ‘cause you’re drinking a wine that none of them can afford. This is a status symbol that will get you the undivided attention of the service staff as well as management. You are a high roller, and all of the ladies want to be at your table with hopes of finding their way into your Ferrari at the end of the night. If you are a lady and have ordered your own bottle of Cristal, you obviously have little use for a man (and most men would be terrified to approach you and your prized bottle anyway).

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