My associate Douglas and I are up for the big Napa Valley Wine Auction, more specifically the barrel auction portion of the event. If you haven’t been, it is a wild orgy of Napa wineries that come together at the Trinchero winery to auction off their wines for worthy causes. An endless sea of barrels fills the enormous warehouse space that holds the barrel auction, while white wines and food from local chefs are served outside. Strappy summer dresses are mandatory for all trophy wives, golddiggers, and otherwise drop-dead-gorgeous women, and men seem to wear whatever the hell they want. One of my favorite aspects of the auction is watching all the women with collagen filled lips try to spit wine into the spit-buckets…like dentist anesthesia gone terribly wrong. Things are overwhelming as I first arrive, but this passes as the cabernet starts to take affect. If you are a lover of Napa wines, you simply must find a way to get here, as you’ll never find a more comprehensive tasting of the region’s wines. Kongsgaard’s “The Judge” and Shafer’s “Hillside Select” are both poured and are both among Napa’s most sought after and prized wine, so there are definitely compelling wines being poured. Blackbird Vineyards was my favorite wine of the tasting, and their Bordeaux style blend really blew my mind. Other standouts included Gemstone, Lail (the Blueprint Sauvingon Blanc was killer), and HDV. Wine auctions are a pretty slick idea if you think about it: you show up, bid on wine, drink the wines in which you are interested, bid more, get buzzed, bid more, get tanked, bid too much, and I say more power to you, as it is all for charity. There is a strong buzz about the live auction stirring the following day, where the big bucks are thrown down. Trips around the world, cars, and even a walk on role on Grey’s Anatomy are up for grabs, with millions expected in return. If you can handle tasting some 200 young interpretations of Cabernet Sauvignon, this tasting is a dream. If you can’t, at least you have the sea of trophy wives in strappy dresses to keep you occupied.

11 PM It's 11 pm in a crowded bar.  Feel free to insert the name of the bar in the city of your choice, but the scene is somewhat similar anywhere you go.  That is, you are in a bar or club that serves some of the latest and greatest martini-styled drinks.  You know the ones I'm talking about... The Cosmos, the Lemon Drops, the Apple Martinis.  They all come from the bartender's hand in a fancy stemmed martini glass.  After a feeling of appreciation, you are now left to make your way through the crowded bar without spilling the contents on your shoes, the floor, or even worse, on somebody's freshly laundered clothes.  Unlike the "Angel's Share," which winemakers (especially Cognac producers) respectfully accept as the part of the wine lost to evaporation and other elements during the production and aging processes,  I refer to this spilled portion of my martini as the "Devil's Share". Damn him. The night continues and as I observe the many other patrons and partiers struggling to keep the contents of the martini glasses inside their stemmed glasses.  I can't help to ask myself why do we pay a little extra to get one of these "up" drinks when they serve them in a glass that puts you against the odds of finishing the drink without spilling at least a good, hard earned sip or two?  I gotta check it out and find some info on it, after another couple drinks of course. 3 AM I make it home with the help of a designated driver and I am destined to find out why this glassware called the martini glass is "all that" and why they can't just put the damn drink in a glass such that I can walk confidently through the crowd, without bumping into people, or more commonly, a drunk guy stumbling into me.  Time to look into the subject and find out about these martini glasses. Sunday, Late Morning... 11:30 AM Who was I kidding? It was 3 am, I was buzzed, and I kept falling  asleep in my computer chair before I gave in and went to bed. OK, now it's time to check out the martini glass and why it is what it is.  Internet here I come... 12 PM Wow, that was actually interesting. The Martini glass has quite a history that I wont bore you with, but here is the basic idea.  First, lets look at the obvious reason. It has a stem, which we know means that this is where you should hold it and not let the warmth of your hand warm the contents. Secondly, since the Martini was originally made with gin, the wide rim of the glass was thought to help release the aroma and juniper essence of the gin as the surface tension was stressed by the wide surface.  Lastly, it is also believed by some that the martini glass gained popularity during the prohibition days.  You see, if the police came into a "speakeasy" club, the contents of the glass could be emptied and widely dispersed with a single and deliberate wrist action.  There were no ice cubes or puddles of booze to get busted with. Luckily, back then there were no portable forensic labs. Okay, there you have it.  Choose whichever reason, why the glass is the way it is.  It is, in my opinion, one of the sexiest glasses in any bar and has gained popularity not only with bartenders, but also pastry chefs in some of the finest kitchens with its slick and fancy design.  As far as the battle for the "Devil's Share," save the glass for a dinner or cocktail lounge where you are stationary and not fighting your way through a crowd. On a recent trip to a Hollywood nightclub, a bartender wasn't allowed to serve me a "martini" in anything other than a martini glass.  I expressed my concern, but he didn't give in.. Hmm, what to do?  I smiled, asked for a glass of water, no ice, and quickly downed the water. I then poured the contents of my martini glass into the empty water glass, handed him the empty glass, and turned into the crowd, knowing that the Devil ain't getting any of this Mutineer's drink.

Spirits Mutineer Douglas Harenchar rolled into the office with a two liter bottle of Squirt (that I was subsequently informed that business manager Jeff Dorenbush actually purchased). I haven’t had Squirt in years, and its epic return to my palate has inspired me to dig a little deeper into this magnificent beverage. I started my research with a simple Google search, which led me to squirt.org…YES! a site devoted to the culture and enjoyment of Squirt…wait…um…this has nothing to do with the soda…researching Squirt on the internet is a foray into the seedy world of internet porn, so we’ll stick to the basics here: Squirt is a grapefruit flavored carbonated beverage. Squirt was invented in…wait for it…1938! It has been around for 70 years, and it is still trucking strong. It was invented by Herb Bishop, and was able to be made with a relatively low amount sugar and fruit juice. Squirt doesn’t have caffeine, though its spin off, Ruby-Red Squirt, does. Most people think Ruby-Red Squirt is ruby red grapefruit flavored, but it is actually a combination of citrus and berry. Diet Squirt hit the market in 1983, with the claim to fame of being the first soda to be sweetened with aspartame.

Many years ago, before the Panama Canal and Next-Day Air shipping, sailors had to actually forge across the great seas. Of course, one of the most important items aboard was ale. Now imagine the most salty, sultry, and savage environment possible and picture yourself hauling this precious cargo, only to find it spoiled and undrinkable upon your arrival. To solve the spoiled brew problem, a brewer decided to add huge amounts of hops, a natural preservative, to his brew and increase the alcohol content. Shazzam! India Pale Ale. The hop content in this new style was enough to keep the microorganisms at bay and cover any oxidation. No more sober, sad-faced pirates. This brings us to American IPA’s and the huge success of this craft beer. IPA’s have taken over the American craft brewing market as of late and have reached levels of IBU’s, International Bitterness Units, that science tells us we cannot even taste any longer. Strong and bitter, in a good way, and hugely popular, one of the best known Stone Brewery’s IPA is brewed in Escondido just outside San Diego. This is a good example of an easy to find American IPA. You will either love ‘em or hate ‘em; the distinct and recognizable flavor of the hops is too much for some, yet others can’t get enough. Pilfer your local supermarket and you’re sure to have many choices. Find something from SoCal and see what side of the fence you’re on.