Jul 16 2008
Wii Beer Pong
This is the worst idea on the planet. I hate it so much! I really do! This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. I know I flame a ton of shit on this blog, but Wii Beer Pong takes the cake. This is how it starts:
Extreme Wii Player #1: Wassup my dog? Are you ready for the sweet Beer Pong take down?
Badass Frat Guy #2: Sure thing my bro, but where are all the ladies?
Extreme Wii Player #1: Oh don’t worry! They’ll be here. Let’s play a round to pre-game before the party gets cracking!
Badass Frat Dude #2: Rock on like Dave Matthews! How do we play with no table?
Extreme Wii Douche #1: Dude! This is Wii Beer Pong! No table! No messy spills! No ping-pong ball related eye injuries! It’s sweet like hot cakes on a summer morning!
Badass About To Leave Guy #2: Like hot cakes on a summer morning? WTF? Later dude, have fun playing with your self…
That’s right, he will be playing with himself! The best part about Wii Beer Pong?
NO BEER!
Sweet, now we can include anyone from mom to little Timmy down the road. He’s only thirteen, but that doesn’t matter. The game’s ESRB rating would allow it to be sold to children as young as little Timmy…
To side step the conservative flak, JV Games Inc. has been adamant in their statements that the game in no way promotes alcohol drinking or binge puking. In a FoxNews report, JV Games Vice President Jag Jaeger insisted, “The game never showed any drinking, it never depicted anyone getting drunk. The thing is (beer pong) is becoming a really well-known sport.”
President Jager-Bomb might be referring to the Las Vegas World Series of Beer Pong in which contestants bounce tiny white balls with the hopes of catching a $50,000 prize. So, just because something ends up on ESPN 8 “The Ocho,” it’s now a legitimate sport.
Here’s the thing. Beer Pong is an alcohol game and there’s no separating the two. You only play beer pong to get drunk, and maybe to mercilessly mock your friends-slash-opponents. The idea of putting a drinking game on the Wii is sweet, but I really think this is one game that needs to stay in the “real-life” box for now. I can understand virtual games like golf or tennis, but sometimes game-makers go too far.
Next we’ll be seeing Wii Quarters or Wii King’s Cup with neither one including liquor-store vouchers because those games are in no way advocating alcohol abuse.
